A Mother’s Greatest Fear –

I lost CW this morning. I picked him up from Sunday School and in my rush to get back upstairs (because I have to be there before the choir comes in), I decided to step into the restroom before sitting him down in our pew.

I handed him his papers (Adam and Eve coloring sheets this week) and put my hands on his shoulders and backed him against the wall. Looking straight into his eyes I said, “don’t move, Mummy will be right back.”

Then I stepped into the restroom. The line was relatively short, considering the size of the church compared to the number of stalls. I washed my hands, and was out within 4 minutes.

CW was gone.

Husband was in the Foyer and my automatic conclusion was that CW had seen him and they were together. But Husband quickly dispelled that thought when he asked me where CW was.

What ensued was 10 minutes of sheer panic.

I cannot adequately describe what it feels like to search every place you can think a child might be and not find the child. He wasn’t in my Mum’s Sunday School classroom (she was sick today, that’s why B10 wasn’t there). He hadn’t gone back to his classroom. He hadn’t wandered into the large lobby. He wasn’t in the Children’s Church room – nor the library – nor mine and Husband’s Sunday School room (where he usually finds breakfast).

My heart stopped at least once.

After he was found (playing in a far away bathroom with another little boy – by that little boy’s mother) and thoroughly chastised, I sat him down in our pew and collapsed into my chair in front of my computers.

The congregation finished singing the third or fourth song before my heart returned to normal.

How could I have so much fear? We weren’t in a grocery store or a Target – and while our church is large, it’s not so large that people don’t know one another. But all my mind could process was that my child was missing.

We’ve had a few issues with CW recently, he just walks away from us in crowded places. Yesterday he almost walked out in front of a car. I worry that part of his processing issues and he can’t hear us when we call him. I know that much of it is just disobedience and him being a child, but I’m not sure what to do to fix it.

He spent this entire afternoon sitting on a bed with no TV or toys as punishment for walking away.

I still have a knot in my stomach when I think about it, while this story ended well – I feel for all the mothers who don’t have a happy ending.

~Lone Butterfly )i(