It's a Great Cosmic Joke

Most of my family and friends know my eating habits rather well. I have a list of crazy allergies that could go on forever, and then I have a few things I'm pretty picky about.

I'm allergic to all dairy products, everything out of the water, and grass. (Not that I eat grass, mind you.) In general the only meat I eat is Chicken and Beef (Turkey on Turkey Day), and I don't eat any meat on a bone, or any meat that isn't well cooked. Chicken has to be so dry it's practically jerky for me to enjoy it.

When I'm out, I've found it easiest to surreptitiously look for something Kosher. I trust a Jewish Rabbi MUCH more than I trust the FDA, thank you very much. So Kosher bread, Kosher hot dogs, Kosher soups: all these are good, since my biggest "picky-not-allergy" no-no is Pig.

Ug, other than pepperoni on my cheeseless pizza, I am NOT a Pig person. I'll put the occasional bacon bits on my salad (when that's my meal, and I require some sort of protein), but that is pushing it. I do not eat Ham at Easter or strange hot dogs at local cookouts, and BBQ resturants are my least favorite of any type. I can't even call it pork, it's Pig.

But recently, I've been so sick to my stomach, that I've been trying to eat whatever is presented to me. This means that I've had bacon and sausage for breakfast and a Pasta Fagoli Soup with Italian sausage for lunch. I've opened my mind to Pig, especially after our lesson on Sunday morning in class when we studied how God sent down the unclean food and told Peter he could eat. On a basic level I got it - Pig is good, cuz God made Pig.

So I am trying. Me, putting forth an effort, to stay healthy. You would think that God would appreciate my attempts at taking care of this rather difficult body I'm working with.

Yet, here I was tonight, watching my DVR. So excited, because I had a free hour to watch a new Modern Marvels on "Lead" (please do not stop and try to figure out why that was so exciting to me). I snuggled under my covers, gently laid my head on the pillow to not disturb my still-queasy stomach, and press play.

I am presented with a screenful of snouts. Even though my info button STILL CLAIMS I am watching "Lead", instead it is "Pigs".

First - how are "Pigs" a Modern Marvel? I'm pretty darn sure Pigs aren't "modern", and I'm not convinced they fall into the category of "marvel", either.

Second - if you have any suggestions on how to ever eat pig again, after accidentally witnessing the inside of a pork slaughterhouse, I would really appreciate the help. Otherwise, I think I'm going to have to write off even pepperoni and bacon bits. My stomach is still churning (even more than before I saw the bloody chunks of picnic ham).

I seriously don't find this funny at all.

~Lone Butterfly )i(