I anger easily and I get offended easily, however - anyone close to me will tell you I forgive faster than most. I have had people in my life do true damage to me, yet I can now have civil - even friendly - relationships with them. There are plenty of people I don't like, but if they called me at 3 am, because they needed help, I would go.
I struggle because there are two people on this earth I remain bitter towards. I have bathed the situations in prayer and struggle, because I cannot seem to move past these hurts.
For one situation, I seem to always be especially angry on Memorial Day. It is an anger that stems from an acute sense of loss, because I never knew my grandfather who served in World War II.
He lived until my Mum was 16, so he survived the war (my mother is a child of the 50's). I know very little about him: he served in the Army Air Force, he was stationed in England, he moved over to the Air Force when the branches separated...only this year did I learn that our birthdays are the same month.
We almost never spoke of him as I was growing up, because my Mum's mother chose not to be a part of our lives. All I knew was that the sepia photo in our home was of Papaw McElveen.
On Memorial Day, I hurt. I want to honor him as a person, not just a scant collection of facts. I have overwhelming anger and bitterness, because I can't find anything out about him. My Mum never knew him as an adult, and his widow is still alive, so all military records are sealed shut.
I have dreams of meeting men who served with him. As the years pass, I realize that chance grows smaller and smaller. I pray for God to open doors and take away my anger taht seems to bubble over this day of the year.
I don't know how someone can feel such a keen sense of loss for something they never had. I just know that my Mimi and Granddaddy (my father's parents) were two of the most influential people in my life. Since I lost my Mimi to cancer, I have had moments where I KNEW what she would say and what she would do for me, and I cherish my memories of her. I mourn the fact that I could have had another grandmother to love and on this special day - could be able to recount stories to my caterpillars of the many scrafices their great-grandfather made.
The boys and I served in a color guard at Cookie and Doc's church yesterday morning. After calling them to place the flags, I led the Pledge of Allegiance. Then I sat on the front row as Veterans from all five branches of the Armed Forces gathered at the front to be honored and prayed over.
I cried. Not for the men in front of me, I honor them with my thanks and my promise to make sure my children KNOW why they did what they did. I cry because I wish I knew who my Papaw McElveen was. Why he joined. Why he stayed in the service. Why he was so proud to serve.
Thank you. To anyone who has served in our family and especially Uncle Marine, who continues to do so. Thank you.
~Lone Butterfly )i(
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 16, 2010
In an attempt to bring more "education" in a fun way to Cub Scouts we had our first Science Fair for the boys. It was a great success! B10 and CW really enjoyed making their first Science Fair projects.
B10 did a project about how to look for birds. He really enjoyed doing it - and his project was hilarious!
GO hung out with Queen and I (check out my new hairstyle!) and played happily. Which was nice, since it was so hot!
~Lone Butterfly )i(
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I was so pleased to find this book about Jane Austen, especially since I am currently in the middle of directing Pride & Prejudice at our local community theatre. It is a look into the life of Jane (“Jenny”) Austen, who wrote her three most popular works before she turned twenty-four, and died at the early age of forty-one. It is a quick read, at only 153 pages, and I would recommend it as easy for anyone over the age of twelve. Jane's Christianity is looked at along with all the other factors in her life, such as her family and her social standing in society, giving a balanced picture of the influences to her works.
My favorite parts of the book were when the author used humor to shed light on Jane's life. He also used many of Jane's own words to show who she was. I carried this book in my purse for a week, it's the perfect size, and read it during my brief free moments. I absolutely fell in love with Jane Austen while reading this book and I have a line of friends waiting to get their hands on it. Many books come into my house and then slide out again after we are finished with them, but this one I plan on keeping on my bookshelf!
Other books in the series cover famous Christians such as Isaac Newton, J.R.R. Tolkien and Winston Churchill.
I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own.
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