Thank God for Treason

Thank God for Treason.

Thank God for men and women who saw Tyranny and felt a Loss of Freedom, and refused to whine softly from their homes.

Thank God for the loud cries that rose up from those who felt the burden of an oppressive government, and stood with each other to change it. Even when that change put them opposite loved ones on opinions and battlefields.

I am blessed beyond measure to live in a country where I can Thank God, and the neighbor to my left can Thank Allah, while the one to my right doesn’t even believe in a Higher Power to thank, but we all celebrate today when we were first given the freedom to live our lives as we each see fit.

My prayer today is that my Caterpillars grow up to be men who have to discreetly wipe tears from their eyes on July 4th every year, when we honor the men and women who gave up their lives to give us this life.

I wonder how many of those ordinary families realized that by committing treason over 230 years ago, they would form the strong foundation for this place I now live and raise my family.

If I am every called upon to make the same choice, may I be as strong as my forefathers, and leave a legacy as amazing.

“Whether I am hung as a traitor or hailed as a patriot, let me die knowing that I stood for what was right and just in the world.”

~Lone Butterfly )i(

Tag - I'm It!

Rules to this game:

1) Link to the person who tagged you. That would be my sister, BooSheep.

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2) Post the rules in your blog. Volia!

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3) Write six random things about yourself. To follow.

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4) Tag six people. I don't know six bloggy people - so I tag no one. Though I would like to see what Edelweiss finds random about herself...

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5) Let the people know they've been tagged. Edelweiss - you're not tagged, I'm just curious if you can quickly come up with six random things I don't already know.

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6) Leave a note for the person who tagged you to let them know you've posted. Done.

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Random Item #1 – I can only think of two major fears I have off the top of my head: Dentists and driving when it’s storming out. I’ll drive when I have to, but I haven’t seen a Dentist in 15 years. Dentists scare the living bee-jees out of me. If given a choice between childbirth and having my teeth cleaned, I would choose giving birth.

Random Item #2 – I cannot step on painted lines in a parking lot. When I walk, I have to avoid placing any part of my foot on the line – or any paint. I cannot step on Handicapped symbols painted on the ground. I will actually drive further to a certain Home Depot, because it has less spilled paint in the parking lot and it’s easier for me to get from my car to the front door. There is a place I have to go for work, and I get nauseous because the owner has painted his front steps and stoop, and I have to walk up the stairs to get to his office. I can only do this if I make sure that each foot has stepped the same number of times on the paint.

Random Item #3 – If I could pack my family up tomorrow and move anywhere, I would want to live in Argentina or Brazil for a year. I’ve become utterly fascinated by South America, and want to take my caterpillars there to visit. Plus, I hear Argentina is way cheap (after the airfare). Perhaps in 2010 we can at least visit.

Random Item #4 – My favorite color is black. I like wearing black, and I could happily live in a bedroom with black walls and a nice window. With black curtains. I don’t think this is a sign of being depressed, just nocturnal. I’m totally a raccoon.

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Random Item #5 – If I could be anything when I grow up – I want to be a novelist. Preferably a well-paid, New York Times Bestsellers List Novelist, but I’ll take “published” as a close second. I have all the stories in my head, some of them written down, but I’m convinced that other people will think they are stupid. So I don’t share my personal, original writings with anybody.

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Random Item #6 - On Sunday evening when the boys were curled up in bed with me, B10 said he had a secret. When I asked what it was, he said that his hip hurt a little bit, and had been hurting for a couple of weeks, but he didn't want anyone else to know. I've spent the last few days watching him walk, and being scared to death that the nightmare of 2007 is going to begin again - wheelchair and all. He's walking more on his tiptoes, and I'm truly afraid that I'm going to have to call the doctor again on Monday.

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Those are my random items. I hope you know just a bit more about me than you did when we started.

~Lone Butterfly )i(

Questions Answered!

1. What part of blogging brings you the most joy and satisfaction? Relationships? Having an outlet for writing? Reading? Commenting? Building your traffic? Something else?

2. What is the most frustrating part of blogging for you?

3. If you had to give someone one piece of advice about blogging, what would it be?

4. What do you know about blogging now that you WISH you had known when you started your blog?

5. What draws you to the blogs you read regularly? What elevates a blog to “daily read” status?

BooMama asked these questions in her blog, and I was prepared to leave a comment, before I realized how L-O-N-G of a comment it would be. My solution was to answer them on my own blog, so I could ramble to my heart’s content.

1. Having an outlet for writing is what brings me the most joy. I wish (like most bloggers) that I received more comments, but I have resisted putting even a counter on my blog, because if I did, that would immediately become my focus. Right now, I can just enjoy saying my piece and posting pictures of my children (even if it’s the injured parts of them I’m showing).

2. The most frustrating part of blogging for me is finding the time to do it. More than once I’ve had a blog post in my head all day long, but when I get home from work it never actually is written and posted. That makes me sad.

3. One piece of advice is protect your privacy. There are too many horror stories about people online for me to risk saying my children’s names online. I do recognize that my children pretty unique names, which adds to my caution. And while I’ve never posted anything that could get me fired from my job – I’m also very aware that things in cyberspace do not disappear, so I’m careful of how I speak of my place of employment and the people I work with.

4. I wish I had known that it was better to be regular than to only post when I thought I had something important to document. I wish I could go back and read more posts from when I started, my life has changed quite a bit since then.

5. There are two reasons why I would read a blog regularly – first: excellent, witty writing and second: I know the person in real life. When I’m very lucky the two merge into one! Daily read sites are few and far between. I check my sister’s site often, and my friend’s. Then there are the sites that are “popular” (ie: BooMama, BigMama, & Ree). I read those, and so do my friends, so we can talk about the interesting things written. Finally, BigMama hosted a Fashion Fiesta, and my sister and I made a few new blogging-friends. I am currently visiting their sites on a daily basis, to see if we have as many things in common as it initially seems. Those could blossom into daily reads, just as any relationship blossoms over a mutual love of something.

~Lone Butterfly )i(

2007 Writing Awards

I received the thrilling news this morning that I had won two OWL writing awards this year. It's exciting, because I wasn't even sure I would be nominated after having a rather slow Fall/Winter as an author.
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In 2006 I received 4 awards, three second place runner-ups and one third place. This year was I was stunned as I took a first place award.

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Without further ado - my 2007 OWL Awards:

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I will point out that this is the second year that I've taken an award in the "Best Death Scene" category... Let that tell you what it may about me...

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~Lone Butterfly )i(

This has been 48 hours of hell, easy.

I'm not even sure if I'm over the shock yet.

Thursday evening, on the way to pick out the tuxedos for the wedding, Fiance dumps me.

I would like to phrase it differently, but this was not a mutual understanding, this was someone who I love and trust basically ripping my heart out.

In two hours I went from planning a wedding (the invitations arrived Thursday in the mail) to handing him my engagement ring (so he could return it and keep the cash).

Now what? I'm still in shock, I think. The loss hasn't totally hit me. There are five beautiful little girls that I love and can never speak to again, not to mention my sister-in-laws to be who are incredible women that I was looking forward to being with.

And then the fact that I have two little caterpillars that can't wait to move into their new house; with their new dog, their new bedroom, and their new stepdad - what do I say to them? How do I tell them that seven weeks before the wedding he's backed out - because their mum wasn't enough?

Logically, people keep saying that it's better it happened now, rather than later. And I understand that, but it doesn't make the hurt go away. My feelings don't change overnight. I'm angry at him, but I love him with all my heart, and that will take time to go away.

Some people hurt you with slashing wounds; leaving gaping, bleeding slices in your heart. You clean them out, thoroughly, even if it hurts. You stitch it up nice and pretty, and let it mend. Put a bandage on it, maybe a little antibacterial cream – anything to help make it better.

Other people strike you hard - a solid hit - with a blunt object. Your heart bruises, but there’s nothing visible to the naked eye. You’ve got a black and green heart, instead of a healthy red one.

You can’t make bruises better, you have to ride them out. Leave them alone to heal.
And when people come along after all it takes is the lightest tap to send waves of pain through me.

They don’t know they are doing anything wrong. To a healthy heart a light tap, or even a solid whack, would only leave a bit of a niggling sense of pain.

Certainly not the waves of nausea that flood through me when my heart gets a rough thump. So I force myself to laugh.

As if humor can prevent me from vomiting on their pretty little shoes.

Cleaning the Desk and my Head...

I have been cleaning out my desk and my work area, because FINALLY my office has been scheduled for a furniture upgrade.

My entire department is crammed inside three tiny rooms - and we sit at intern desks, while other departments have an entire office per person (or at the least a large three and a half walled cubicle). This is a VERY exciting time for me.

As I was cleaning/sorting/throwing away, I was struck by the clutter that I had gathered in the last two and a bit years and also what was truly important to me.

In my tiny space I have three pictures of B-10 and CW. One picture of my beloved demon cat, one pair of butterfly wings, six "Bad Cat Calendar" pages, eight jewel butterfly magnets, one hanging sloth (who holds my earbuds), a set of lamb ears (for the months of April and May), and a magnet that has one of my favorite literary quotes on it. It's one of those quotes I read over and over when I remind myself that I'm never going to be like everyone else, and that's okay!

"There is no use trying," said Alice; "one can't believe impossible things."

"I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."

~Lewis Carol (Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass)

Another of my favorite quotes:

“It is not the critic who counts. It’s not the man who points out where the grown man stumbles, or how the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who actually is in the arena, who strives violently, who errs and comes up short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who if he wins knows the triumph of high achievement; but who if he fails, fails while daring greatly, so his place will never be with those cold and timid souls who know

neither victory or defeat.”

~Teddy Roosevelt

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I am not to be judged by those who refuse to take my path - Christ did not call me to sit out this life. He called me to live fully, to embrace the pain and the joy of the world. I will not cringe in the corner, afraid of maybes and possiblities - instead I will stand and risk all, for I am promised a prize greater than anything this world can give me.

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I am at a crossroads, in turmoil as my wishes, desires, and responsibilities tumble together like clothes in a dryer. I pray that God is clear on where He wants me to be, so that I never look back and regret my choices. For He will equip me to my calling. None of us are sent alone.

~Lone Butterfly